


The Way We Were

by jackson_nicole



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 10:59:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9231908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackson_nicole/pseuds/jackson_nicole





	

She definitely didn’t miss it. The fighting, the screaming, never knowing when he’d be home. She still loved him, of course. What woman would be so out of her mind not to be in love with Niall Horan? But the love was eclipsed by their drifting apart. With the band on a hiatus and Niall still burning to sing and do music, he was consumed by his new album. Not that she didn’t support him! When he first told her he was writing some new songs and was close to putting out his first single, she was overjoyed for him. She knew music was his first love, but she was a close first as well. But as the months went on, him travelling all over...She tried to follow him, but it soon turned to being a futile effort. When he went to LA to record, she went with him, but he spent most nights in the studio, recording and writing. During the day, she saw little of him before he ventured out for golfing or doing radio station guest appearances.

Kada grew lonely and sad that he was almost never there. Their intimate nights had almost gone extinct except for their anniversary and their birthdays, maybe Christmas, but other than that he was gone, leaving their bed cold. Throughout this, she still supported his solo career. She never once had the thought of ‘You married me, I’m your life now.’ She wasn’t that type of selfish and heartless wife. And though it did soon grow old and annoying, her love was still there which was why it broke...no. Not broke; Shattered her heart into a million pieces the day she presented him with divorce papers.

Niall broke down in tears along with her, saying the classic line ‘I can change. Give me another chance.’ and as much as Kada longed to grab the papers from his hands, rip them up and wrap herself around him and agree, she knew he couldn’t change how he worked and how he loved it. She assured him she still loved him, and while she didn’t want this separation between them, she didn’t want to suddenly become a burden while he was recording, because she knew if she stood her ground and made it clear she wanted him home more, he would soon find himself cutting himself off from his work early to make it back home to be with her. That’s not how she wanted it. To her, this was the only other option, while it broke them both, she knew Niall knew she didn’t do this out of spite, she did it simply because she felt she had no other choice.

The divorce went through quickly and cleanly, Niall insisting she keep their house in LA and the furnishings they had picked out. Kada protested, saying she could find a friend to stay with until she could find a small condo or other means, but Niall argued the same and said this was a gift, of sorts, more of an apology for him being the cause of the split. Kada still protested, stung by the hurt that he thought this was _all_ his fault, but she saw the sadness in his eyes, and agreed. There were no children in the picture, which made the split easier. Or so they thought.

It took about a month after Christmas for Kada to come to the decision to divorce him, another 2 weeks before she could hand him the papers, another 2 weeks for Niall to finish up whatever work he was doing in the States to come back home to London to settle things, and another month in court for them to solidify who was keeping what, many of the protests coming from Kada who didn’t want to take anything he should rightfully have, but it took a while for Niall to persuade her to take them. About 2 weeks after moving into their house in LA, she went to the doctor complaining of a horrid, and odd, stomach flu only to find she was 3 months pregnant.

The divorce had gone through and was finalized and Kada didn’t want to reopen Niall’s wound with news that he did, in fact, have a child. To rationalize this in her mind, of keeping the pregnancy from him, she told herself that he’d still be away a lot. He would never have time to take care of the baby and he would insist they get back together, which, a baby was not the reason she would want to be back with him. Though these thoughts hurt her, knowing they would most likely be false and that Niall would undoubtedly take time off from his album to help, she didn’t want to burden him with the choice, and she knew damn well it would be a choice, a hard one at that.

So Kada hid for 9 months. But those 9 months turned into 5 years. 5 years of not speaking to Niall, of not seeing Niall, no social media contact of any kind! It stung a bit at first; agonizing over the fact she was essentially keeping his child from him, but as time went on, it became more of a habit to avoid him which was why those 9 months turned into 5 years.

It neared her daughter, Cavan’s, 6th birthday, and her daughter begged her to have it in Ireland. Kada wasn’t completely heartless; She told Cavan exactly who her father was and showed her what he looked like. When Cavan began to understand more, she pressed Kada as to why she never saw him and why Kada didn’t speak to her father. Kada simply told her things didn’t work out and left it at that. This pained her to no end, but she was too far gone with this. Cavan was almost 6 and Niall still had no idea of his daughter’s existence. But she wanted to give her something of her father and agreed to go to Ireland during her birthday month to celebrate. Kada’s aunts had retired to Ireland years ago, taking back their family farm and fixing it up, so when Kada contacted them and asked if they could stay, they were overcome with joy and began weeping on the phone.

Kada was wary of going back home to Stradone, her family’s hometown being only an hour away from Niall’s, but this was something that Cavan desperately wanted, plus Kada’s aunts still hadn’t met her daughter. She could only hope that they wouldn’t cross paths with Niall while they were there.

~

“Tha’s the plane, Mama! Tha’s the plane tha’s gonna take us home?” Cavan asked, excitedly pointing out the window at the airport. Kada smiled and giggled, going over to her and wrapping her arms around her.

“Yes, baby. We’re going to Mama’s family’s home. But Mama didn’t grow up there.” Kada said, kissing her cheek.

“Then why ‘id you call it home?” Cavan asked, looking back at her.

“Because it is my home, baby. Mama’s grandpa was from Ireland and his parents.” Kada said.

“Oh. Like Daddy!” Cavan said, happily, turning to look back out the window. Kada gave a small wince and nodded, nuzzling her daughter’s hair.

“That’s right, baby. Like Daddy is…” Kada said, softly.

 _Now boarding for Flight 280 for Dublin. Now boarding for Flight 280 for Dublin._ The speaker said. Kada stood and led Cavan back to their bags

“Come on, Cav. It’s time to get on the plane.” Kada said, smiling, as she handed her her backpack. Cavan took it, happily, and wiggled into it, bouncing on her toes. Kada giggled, amused at seeing her so excited and led her onto the plane.

~

It was a very long 10 hour plane ride, with a transfer in New York, they finally touched down in Dublin and Kada carried a sleeping Cavan off the plane, a stewardess helping her with her bags. Waiting at the gate were two of her aunts, who began calling at her and waving, happily. Kada smiled and waved as she made her way over.

“Kada! Oh, honey it’s so good to see you!” One of her aunts said, hugging her and kissing her cheek. “Oh, Kada, she is so precious.”

Kada smiled as her second aunt took the bags from the stewardess.

“Thanks, Auntie Clara. She passed out about 3 hours ago. I’m actually kind of surprised she didn’t wake up when we landed.” Kada said, with a small giggle.

“I’m sure she’ll wake up soon enough.” Her second aunt said, hauling her bag up over her shoulder.

“Oh, Auntie Ada, that’s too heavy.” Kada said, shifting to set Cavan on her feet and wake her up.

“No, no. Don’t worry. You have Cavan. We can get the bags.” Ada said with a smile. Kada chewed her lip, unsure. Both her aunts were small, Ada being the much slimmer of the two, and she was worried.

“Aunt Ada…” Kada protested.

“I’m fine, Kada. Come on. There’s gonna be traffic in the rain.” Ada said as Clara began to talk with Kada as they went to the baggage claim.

~

The hour ride turned into two, Ada being right about the traffic and the rain. But, luckily, Cavan woke up just as they crossed into County Cavan. She was only 5 and had just started kindergarten, but Cavan was very smart for being so young. By 2 years old, she was already learning to read, and well. And, boy, did she have a love for animals. Cavan pressed her face against the window, gaping at all the cows and sheep and horses as they passed.

“Mama! Mama, look! Tha’s my name!” Cavan shouted, happily, pointing to a sign that said ‘Welcome to Co. Cavan’. Kada smiled and gave a small giggle.

“Yes, baby. You’re named after the place where Mama’s family is from.” Kada said, gathering Cavan in her arms as she continued to marvel at the sights as they drove through town.

“Mama? How come we never came here a’fore?” Cavan asked, cradling herself in her mother’s arms, her eyes still fixed out the window. Kada glanced between her aunts in the front seat. “Is it cause’a Daddy?”

“No, baby. It’s just…” Kada stopped. She couldn’t seem to think of a good explanation that would satisfy her daughter. Cavan looked up at her.

“Mama? Did you already get m’birthday present?” She asked. Kada blinked down at her, surprised.

“Of course, baby. Why?” Kada asked. Cavan blinked and looked down, dejected and said, “Oh.”

Kada shifted Cavan in her lap and said, “Cause I know wha I really want for m’birthday.”

“What’s that, baby? I can still get it for you.” Kada said, cupping her cheek and giving her a smile. Cavan looked up at her and said, “I wanted Daddy to be at m’birthday party. I wan’ta meet him.”

Kada blinked, her mouth hanging open, unsure of what to say. Cavan saw her mother’s expression and let out a sad sigh, hanging her head.

“I didn’t tink so.” She said, lying against her mother, playing with her jacket.

~

The first week went by and by the end of the week, Kada was exhausted. Her aunts took her and Cavan all over the country, cramming as much into the first week as they could. Clara and Ada assured Kada that they were fine with taking Cavan for the day and letting Kada get some rest, and while the notion was very appealing, she wanted to experience her family home with her daughter. Thankfully, much to Kada’s relief, in that first week, they didn’t run into Niall. But with three more weeks left, she was still worried about running into him and having to explain that she hid his child from him. That was a conversation she did not want to have.

But when the inevitable happened, luckily for her, Kada had listened to her aunts and let them take Cavan for the day while she went out to start getting party supplies.

Kada walked down the aisles of the grocery store, happy that she had gotten a start on party supplies and she could now get food for dinner. She put a few fruit snack boxes into her cart and went around the corner, not really paying attention. She was jolted when her cart collided with the person in front of her. While checking to make sure nothing in her cart and the other person’s cart wasn’t broken, she said, “I am so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. I’m so..”

Kada’s words were cut off by Niall’s stunned face staring back at her. She let out a breath and said, “...Sorry…” Finishing her sentence.

“Kada.” He said, softly. Even in that stunned tone, just hearing her name on his lips again sent a shock through her she hadn’t felt since they first met.

“Niall.” She said back. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

She had no idea what to say. She was now face to face with the man she loved and had gone to great lengths to avoid for the last 5 years. She couldn’t quite get a read on him, his face a mix of shock, hurt, anger and happiness.

“I’m sorry.” Kada repeated. She started to walk past him when he grabbed her arm, gently, pulling her back.

“Wait. Don’ leave. I jua...Was a shock t'see yeh.” Niall said, looking over her. He gave a small smile and said, “Yeh-yeh look good.”

Kada didn’t turn to him, but gave him a sideways glance and once over, which she instantly regretted. He didn’t look good. He looked amazing. He had let his blonde fade away and let his natural brunette hair come back, something she longed for while they were together. His blue eyes seemed to sparkle upon seeing her, the way they did when they first had gotten together. Seeing him now made her heart ache for him, but her emotions were running every which way in her mind, she didn’t know what to say to him.

“You too…” Kada said, softly. Niall let go of her arm and shifted in his spot.

“How’ave you been?” He asked, watching her. He seemed to be taking every aspect of her in. The last time he saw her, Kada had her brown hair dyed blonde at the tips and it was shorter. Now, her hair was jet black, long and curled. Once Cavan was born, she gave in and let her hair curl the way it naturally did. On special occasions she would straighten it once more, but other than that, it stayed curly, something Niall had loved about her and wanted to see more from her.

“Good.” She said. “Tired…”

“What’re yeh doin' in Ireland?” Niall asked. Kada looked at him and Niall fumbled over himself. “Not-not tha's a bad ting, I jus' meant… What brought you ‘ere?”

Kada chewed her lip, restraining herself from telling him why. “My Aunts. They took back the family farm. I came for a visit for the month.” She said. The lie was more or less true. They _had_ come there mainly for Cavan’s birthday, but Kada also thought it would be a good opportunity to visit, seeing as she hadn’t seen her aunts in quite a few years. Niall nodded.

“Tha’s good. I know yeh wanted t'come back t'see them.” He said, giving her a small smile. Kada gave a tiny smile and nodded. They stood in a heavy silence for a moment, before Kada began to turn to walk away. “Wait. Kada.”

She stopped and didn’t turn to him. Niall gave a heavy sigh and said, “I know ’s been a long time but...Maybe we could 'ave dinner? Jus' dinner. I promise. I...I missed yeh.”

Kada glanced back at him. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Niall…”

“Please? Or we could even do lunch. A quick bite. Kada…” Niall reached out and grazed his fingertips over her shoulder. His touch made her shiver with memories.

“You...Still have the same number, yeah?” She said, finally. Niall gave a smile and nodded.

“Yeah. I do.” He said. Kada cocked her head, slightly, to look back at him.

“I’ll call you.” Then she quickly walked away as the tears overflowed and spilled down her face. Niall watched her leave and sighed, giving a small shake of his head before walking back down the aisle to continue his shopping.

~

When Kada got home, she unpacked the car and groceries in silence. She couldn’t help herself but to think of when they were together. Of course, over the last 5 years, her raising their child, she thought of him often. She was still in love with him, that never faded. But she never let herself delve into her memories of the early stages of their relationship and marriage. With her emotions running high after giving birth to Cavan, she had no control and she couldn’t help but think about how it used to be and cried for 3 months. Once her hormones balanced back out, she promised herself she’d never think so in depth about him again. But of course, seeing him brought everything screaming back to her, along with new fears.

But before she could sink into those fears, Cavan’s laughter pierced into her thoughts and she came careening into the house. Kada jumped and turned as Cavan rushed into the kitchen and hugged her legs.

“Mama, you missed it! You missed it!” Cavan shouted, clinging to a new stuffed stag. Kada smiled, her spirits lifting at her daughter’s happiness.

“Where did you go, baby?” Kada asked, sinking down to hug Cavan.

“We wen’ta Phil’s Farm! I go’ta ride a pony, Mama!” Cavan said, tossing her arms up in the air in excitement. Kada giggled.

“Was it fun? It wasn’t like Auntie Kait’s horsies, huh?” Kada asked. One of Kada’s best friends, Kait, owned a property back in Kait's hometown of Bristol, Virginia, and she had a plethora of horses. Whenever Kada and Cavan visited, Cavan begged to go out and ride the horses with Kait.

“No, the ponies were smaller!” Cavan shouted. Kada giggled and pressed two fingers over her mouth, gently.

“Cavan. What did we say about inside voices?” Kada said. Cavan giggled and smiled as Kada took her fingers away. “Go wash up. I’m going to start dinner with the Aunties.”

“Yes, Mama.” Cavan said, skipping her way down the hall and into the bathroom. Kada sighed and stood, putting the last of the groceries away and pulling out one of her Aunt’s recipe books and leafing through it.

~

A few more days went by before the nagging feeling in her gut was too much for Kada to bear. She had her aunts take Cavan to the aquarium in Portrush, 2 hours away. Kada figured they would spend at least 2 hours there, Cavan having an intense fascination for animals, plus with the two hour ride both there and back, that gave her enough time to meet Niall and be back before they got home.

Kada helped her daughter dress and kissed her goodbye, then watched and waved as they left. Once they were out of sight, she went straight back in and spent almost half an hour pacing her room, trying to muster the courage to press on Niall’s name. She stared at her phone, then finally tapped on his name. She never took his picture down, or deleted his number, so she stared at his profile as the call went through. She began to have second thoughts and went to hang up, but not before his sleep laced, thick accented voice came through.

“* _Kada. Yeh called._ *” Niall gave a soft laugh and continued, “* _I was beginning t’think yeh’d forgotten about me._ *”

Her heart lurched at his voice, tugging at every heartstring it could find. She swallowed hard and spoke.

“I didn’t forget. I-I could never.” She said, with a light laugh. “Um, it’s just been really busy here. I’m sorry.”

“* _'S fine._ *” He said. She heard the rustling of his sheets and his groan as he, most likely, sat up. It was early, so the fact that his voice was so rough, she could only gather it was his day off and he had slept in. “* _Did yeh wan’ta meet up today? I’ve a few hours before I hav’ta go in to the studio._ *”

“Yeah. That’s fine. Where...Did you want to meet?” Kada’s heart began racing and she didn’t know why. Niall knew nothing of his daughter, she knew this. If he had any inclination of Cavan, he surely would have mentioned it when he ran into her at the store. And Cavan was 2 hours away from them, so there should be no reason why that should be a factor. If anything were to happen on the trip, her aunts would call her to let Kada know they were coming back.

“* _I can be at Druid’s Chair in 20 minutes?_ *” Niall said. There was a hint of carefulness in his tone and Kada knew why. It was the pub he had taken her to after their first date and it was where he had proposed. Kada closed her eyes, willing the tears away before she spoke.

“I can be there in an hour.” Kada said. Niall gave a soft laugh and said, “* _Right. Yeh’re home in Stradone, yeah? I forgot how far it is._ *”

Kada gave a light smile and nodded. “I can text you when I’m on my way.”

“* _Tha’s great, love. I’ll see you there._ *” Niall said. She heard the smile in his voice and knew that he was so happy to be seeing her again after so long. She should have been the same way as well, if it weren’t for the heartbreaking secret she kept from him. She didn’t think for one second that he could ever forgive her for keeping his child away from him. Hearing him so happy only made her heart ache even more than it already was.

“I’ll see you.” She said, then hung up. Tears slipped from her eyes and down her cheeks. She shouldn’t be doing this, she had no right to lead him on like this. She should call him back right this second and tell him about his daughter. But she stopped herself. This kind of news wasn't something to be told over the phone or even through a text. She had to meet him and tell him to his face about what she did. Even if he didn’t believe her words, she had the pictures. The pictures of her and the brown haired, blue eyed, sweet little girl that stole her heart...and was damn near the spitting image of her father.

She had always thought keeping Cavan a secret from Niall was the hardest thing she would ever have to do. She never considered how much harder it would be to tell him that she did it. She was not ready for this, nor would she ever be, but the time had come for it to be done. And she was terrified.

~


End file.
